By WiL Turner — Men’s Health, Fitness, Relationship & Lifestyle Coach
“Not all friends who come into your life can stay — some are seasonal, some are situational, and a rare few are forever.” -WiL Turner
🔥 INTRODUCTION
My definition of friendship and relationship is when two people agree to grow together. Friendships and relationships in many ways are the same. Each is nurtured through effort, patience, and acceptance.
Men struggle with friendships more than we admit. We don’t talk about loneliness, disconnection, or outgrowing people. We don’t talk about how isolating it feels to be the strong one, the dependable and loyal one, the supportive, thoughtful, and giving one, the one everyone calls when they need something.
As men grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually; we discover a hard truth.
Some friendships are based on convenience, or proximity and not connection. Because men tend to value loyalty over alignment, we keep people around longer than their purpose.
This is why I teach men that people fall into three categories. Some are
LEAVES — These are friends that only show up during the fair weather season or when it is convenient for them.
BRANCHES — These are friends that support you until the seasons become too heavy.
ROOTS — These are the friends who choose to stay, grow, and build with you through all seasons.
Your peace depends on knowing the differences between each of these and placing them into the categories where they belong.
🧩 THE PROBLEM
Men confuse proximity with connection, history with loyalty, and duration of time spent with depth.
So we overinvest in friendships that aren’t reciprocated, carry people who would never carry us, give lifetime access to those whose presence is only temporary when convenient.
Many men stay in friendships out of obligation, not alignment. That’s when regret and resentment begins.
Friendships without reciprocity become emotional labor.
❗ WHY THIS MATTERS
When a man gives to the wrong people, it costs him time he can’t get back,
emotional energy he doesn’t have, trust he constantly struggles to preserve or restore.
Men who stay connected to misaligned friendships often experience emotional depletion, disappointment, lowered self-worth, delayed growth, social isolation, fewer opportunities for brotherhood and loneliness.
You cannot build a fulfilling life
while surrounded by people who only benefit from your presence in theirs.
👥 DEMOGRAPHICS — WHO THIS IMPACTS MOST
🧔🏽 Men Over 40
This stage of life exposes who’s truly there for you. Friendships begin to shrink, emotional and social reciprocity and alignment become nonnegotiable.
✊🏽 Black Men
Black men are often raised to carry everyone; their community, family, friends, colleagues at the expense of their emotional peace.
🌈 Gay Men
For gay men friendships can become transactional, toxic, spaces of comparison, performance, or conditional acceptance.
💼 High-Performing and Driven Men
Many high performing, driven and successful men find themselves surrounded by people who only want access to their own professional or personal agendas, and not connection.
In short, not everyone deserves access to you. Nor are you required to fit them into the grander scheme of your life.
🌱 THE CATEGORIES OF FRIENDS
🍃 LEAVES —
Are temporary people who come into your life during a season and eventually blow away. They may be fun, exciting,
Or convenient. But when the season changes, they fall away.
These types of friends aren’t bad, just don’t count on them to stay. Trying to make a leaf into a root leads to unnecessary disappointment, and heartache.
🌿 BRANCHES —
Are conditional friends who are supportive until the weight of the winds that blow becomes too heavy.
They will show up, listen, and be present only as long as it doesn’t emotionally or socially cost them anything.
The moment you face real challenges,
set boundaries, require them to meet you where you are at or grow beyond them they eventually crack.
Branches teach you discernment.
🌳 ROOTS —
Are rare friends who are strongly invested in the friendship rain or shine.
These are what I would like to call forever friends. They pour into you, support, uplift. challenge you, hold you accountable, and choose to grow with you. These are the men who faithfully show up for you when no one else does.
Finds who are roots help you plant, till and water the seeds of your friendship to help it grow stronger. Root friends are far and few between for men; especially black men, gay men, single men, and men over 40. Root friends demonstrate their loyalty not only in words, but thoughtfulness, gratitude, their consistent effort, and presence..
The strongest of roots prove themselves and only flourish where they are allowed to grow. -WiL Turner
🧠 NEUROSCIENCE + PSYCHOLOGY
Humans are wired for belonging.
The brain interprets social disconnection the same way it interprets physical pain.
This is why we hold onto old friendships long after they’ve expired, emotionally overextend to maintain connection, avoid confrontation even when we’re unhappy. But the growth of meaningful and lasting friendships require pruning.
You cannot emotionally or socially evolve holding onto relationships tied to the outdated version of you.
✅ SOLUTIONS / WHAT TO DO
Here is the framework:
1. Identify who is a leaf, branch, or root.
Listen to patterns, not promises.
2. Stop forcing temporary people into permanent roles. You don’t have to hate them — you just have to release them.
3. Stop renting space in your life to those unable to invest the time, effort and energy to reside there.
Pour into the friends available to pour into you. Consistency, access, reciprocity, thoughtfulness, trust, communication, vulnerability, and loyalty equals depth, quality, and longevity.
🧭 MICRO ACTION
Ask yourself:
- “Who contributes to my life — and who only takes?”
Limit access to those who only take.
Protect your peace. Reciprocate by investing your time and energy in cultivating root friends.
✍️ REFLECTION PROMPT
Which relationship in your life have you been forcing to be a root, even though it keeps showing you it’s just a leaf?
You were never meant to grow alone.
➡️ Join the Becoming Whole Community of Men at livingwellwithwil.com
